I Heart

My dear, dear friend Pixie did one, and I felt inspired. So here goes.

Although you'd never know it from the way I live, I actually heart early mornings. When I can actually get up around 6am, I heart sitting on the sofa in the bright, whiter-than-white light with a cup of tea and my journal. I heart crisp white cotton sheets on the bed, which always look and feel so inviting. Maybe that's why I haven't been getting up early - back to polyester I guess! (Never!)

I heart hot musicians, especially brass players because they have great lips.

I heart long walks through deep woods, seeing the world through dappled breezy light and being serenaded by wild birdsong. I heart fresh, hot homemade whole-grain bread with fresh butter and jam, Bubbie's Bread & Butter Pickles (the easiest way for me to get fermented veggies into my diet) and lemonade fresh-squeezed from the Meyer lemons in our backyard.
I heart thick, smooth pen ink, musical theatre, evenings with girlfriends, skirts in summer, sweaters in winter, and jeans all the time. I heart little mischief makers with their sticky fingers and faces, and can't wait to have my own.

Refusing To Choose

The last month has been characterized by a sort of emotional/spiritual malaise that has settled on my soul like dead weight. I haven't been motivated to do much beyond what's necessary; nothing has ignited excitement or passion lately. Work leaves me flat, and a bit worried. I've always felt like I had to find THE THING that I'd want to do for the rest of my life, and then do it with absolute dedication and focus. The problem? I have gone through two and a half careers that I loved for a year or five, then lost interest in. Is that happening again? I'm too old to keep changing careers! But I don't want to spend the majority of my week doing something that I don't enjoy...

A couple weeks ago I pulled Barbara Sher's book Refuse To Choose off the shelf. Her books have meant a lot to me over the years; when I was ready to leave acting I didn't know what I wanted to do next, and her books I Could Do Anything If Only I Knew What It Was and Live The Life You Love were exactly the books I needed to get my bearing and move forward.

Refuse To Choose is about a particular type of person that Barbara calls a Scanner: a kind of modern-day renaissance person, who loves exploring all sorts of different interests but who often gets bored easily and moves at various rates of speed from one subject (and/or career) to another. All my life I've considered myself flawed because I often become obsessed with something and study everything I can get my hands on about that subject...for a few weeks, or months, or maybe years. Once I've reached a certain level of competency or understanding, I usually lose all that passion and feel restless to find the next thing that will consume me. It's been a source of embarrassment for me, feeling that I can't finish things...that I never stick something out until I achieve mastery...that my life is full of half-done projects...stacks of half-read books...I've felt like a failure in many ways.

This book has turned my perspective on its head! For the first time ever, I don't feel ashamed of this pattern of mine. I don't feel like every interest has to be turned into a career, or that it's not worth delving into if I can't make money at it. That's surprisingly liberating! So I've started doing some things that I enjoy, just for the enjoyment and just for as long as I find them enjoyable. The upshot? Work feels lighter and more interesting, which is a bit of a relief even though I'm also opening myself to the possibility that I work best when I do a few things part-time, creating an stimulating and varied workweek. I feel lighter and more interested in learning just for the sake of it.

So, I'm learning Irish Gaelic, hearing all I can from Glen Hansard, The Frames, and Interference after seeing the sweet Irish film Once last week, making tasty Coconutty Cubes (see recipe below) so I can get my daily dose of coconut oil, writing a bit of a song on the mandolin, and allowing myself to dream freely about trips abroad. Next week I'd like to finally get a few aprons made, and I think I may let my knitting project sit tight until fall, when knitting seems more in season.

Coconutty Cubes
Mix together some coconut oil (get good quality, organic, virgin, unrefined) and some dehydrated coconut with a bit of cocoa powder or carob powder and a dash of sweetener like maple syrup, honey or stevia. Mix well and spoon into an ice cube tray, and leave overnight to solidify. The end-product is chewy and sweet, and in my tray one cube provides about 2T of coconut oil. Yum! For information about the myriad health benefits of coconut, read this!

Back On Track

Our show is finally open, and receiving lots of praise so far which makes us all feel good. It's been an exhilarating and exhausting process - two weeks of intense labor, if you will - and I'm so lucky to have cast and crew who have never tired of making changes or additions to better the show. What more could a director ask for?

But I'll admit, my body and soul need some time off. I literally haven't eaten a single meal at home for two weeks, and am totally off-track of my traditional food commitment. I tried to eat well overall, but still ended up having too much pasta and Jamba Juice. I look forward to cleaning our disaster of a kitchen and getting back to simple meals, lovingly made by me and/or Descartes. I look forward to re-establishing a daily yoga practice and having Thursday nights free again, so I can return to my weekly yoga class with my wonderful teacher. Hopefully it's not too late to plant my summer vegetable and herb garden, which has been completely neglected this spring. I've got to get back to the sewing machine and finish the apron I started for Julie, for her bridal shower. Basically, I've got a huge yearning to get back to domestic simplicity now that the creative baby I've carried for the last six months has finally arrived.

How do you get back on track when life has taken you off into the clover?

Which Jane Austen Character Are You?

You scored as Elinor Dashwood. As Marianne's older sister, Elinor lives at the other end of the emotional spectrum. She rarely reveals her intense feelings and is more concerned with being honest and loyal than having what she deserves. Even though her intentions are pure, she sets herself up for loss by constantly placing other people before her own needs. Overall, Elinor is gentle and rational but is just as capable of radical emotions (despite her withholding them) as her sister.

My close runner-up was Elizabeth Bennet. Elinor and Elizabeth are probably my favorite Jane Austen characters, for their internal strength, intelligence and self-awareness. Another favorite of mine, Anne Elliott from Persuasion, wasn't part of the quiz. Funny that Elinor and Anne are very quiet, sometimes painfully reserved characters while Elizabeth is one of the most boisterous and vocal female characters in all of classical literature, as far as I can tell! This week I've definitely been in the Elinor/Anne camp - so much intense emotion but feeling that there's never a good time to share it...thanks to Descartes and Pixie for giving me space and permission to let it out.

I've been on a bit of a Jane Austen kick lately, so this came to my attention at an opportune time. She created strong women who were still so feminine, so unmistakably feminine! Can you tell I'm a bit preoccupied with femininity? Well, read my first entry if you need to get caught up.

Take the quiz here...and thanks to Pixie for the idea!

One More Reason I Love IKEA

IKEA has started charging five cents for every bag you use when you check out. I stopped by this morning to get some of my favorite Swedish food and was delighted to see this new policy. Some Americans may not be so pleased, but I've long wondered why we haven't followed the example of the majority of European stores in this way.

I carry cloth bags in my car and use them for shopping as much as possible; and if I forget I try to go without (I'm certainly not perfect about this, but getting better all the time). In most grocery stores I'll receive a five-cent refund for each bag that I bring with me. This makes for a nice incentive (if you know about it) but in most European markets, you are expected to bring your own bag, and you'll be charged a small fee if you need to use the store's paper or plastic.

It's subtle, the difference between a refund and a fee, but nothing wakes up an American like money. Hopefully, stores that make this switch will wake us up to our ability to make a simple choice every day that results in much less waste in our landfills. I think it's neat that IKEA would make such a decision even though it may not benefit the "bottom line".

Would you like to give a shout out to a business that you respect? Post!