Valentine's Day Project

I know, I'm a bit late in reporting on my Valentine's Day project - a totally fun adventure in paint, tissue paper, words, and gel medium. I worked a layer a day, in small chunks of time that felt manageable and not too much. I knew what I wanted when I started out, but over the several days of work the collage informed me what it wanted too, and I was in a nice place to hear it. My beloved really enjoyed it, and miraculously he had also made me a lovely collage. By the way, if you want to nominate a name for my beloved, I'd like to hear it. He's trying to convince me to call him Mo Golden on this blog, but I'm not sure that name gives the right tone.

Lately I've been enjoying podcasts about the creative process. Creative Thursday by Marisa Haedike discusses how to step out of fear and into courageous faith in your creative potential. It's important for me to hear over and over again. I'm realizing how, when I start to dream of making my living from creative pursuits, the money fears make themselves known. When did I start needing so much money? How can I scale back and need less? Or is now the time to really put my nose to the grindstone and make (and save) as much as I can? Can someone in her 30's actually work less, make less, and enjoy more free time? Or isn't this the time for paying dues, working hard and long so I can "deserve" an easy retirement?

It's interesting to lay out all of the thoughts and beliefs that come up around living a creative life. I notice, looking at the last paragraph, that there wasn't any room for making a wonderful, abundant living as a creative. Well, why not?

For the last several months I have been catching up with the wonderful podcast, Cast On with Brenda Dayne. Brenda brings to knitting philosophy, community, history, archeology, anthropology, science, and art. It's great fun and I only wish I had more time to listen to it when I can actually sit and knit along. Most of my listening happens on the way to and from work.

The next week leaves me no time to paint or collage, but I am rehearsing the next show, and there's some wonderful creativity going on there. We'll see what April brings.

Stirring

I've started on my first visual-arts project in years. I notice a little of the old rigidity-leading-to-frozen-nothingness pattern, but surprisingly quite a bit less of it than I remember. In contrast is an inner freedom that's small but hopefully pushing through - the freedom to try this or that paint and just see how it goes, or to play with images or words I like to make them fit my vision. I'm watching with considerable joy. I'll show pictures when it's done but for now it's under wraps!

Today I got my confirmation for the Squam Art Workshop and actually felt giddy at the thought of it being only four months away! I got all of my first choice workshops, which means one day each of fiber, fabric and paint. Checking out my workshops again I came across the website for one of the teachers (www.creativethursday.com), and you have got to check this out: since sometime in 2006, she has created a painting a day. I am just enamored with the sweetness and depth in these paintings. I hope you enjoy them too.

Groundhog Day

The groundhog may have said we're in for six more weeks of winter, but inside my soul spring is stirring. The ground is thawing, and I'm aware of some dry earth in need of "mois-tening" as my sweet friend Pixie puts it. It may be dry but it is fertile ground within, and after a weekend with my very own personal muses, the Elements, I'm excited and inspired to dig in.

I've decided to revive my blog; for now, the purpose is to give me a canvas of some sort to watch my creative journey, and this year I intend to keep it pretty much focused on the many varied creative stirrings. I expect you'll hear about the belated-birthday sweater I'm pushing to finish for my beloved (whose blog-name I've not yet chosen) even as I curse myself for thinking it clever to present a gift in pieces. You'll also hear about the adventurous retreat I'm taking in June to Squam Art Workshop in New Hampshire, where I'll revel for three whole days in all things fiber. Along the way, I might share some particular inspirations in the kitchen or at the sewing table, and you might even get to see and read about what comes of my luscious trip to the art supply store - a branch of creativity that I am not familiar or comfortable with at all, but that I somehow feel inspired to dip my toes into.

I'm not promising anything. Keeping up a blog can be trying for me at times. But the possibilities...

On Love

I've come to my blog a number of times over the past few months, with a mixture of wanting to contribute again and not knowing where to begin or what to say. What started out as a fun way to chronicle my journey became a public record of the surface of my life for the last year; in the meantime, the depths went ignored, then acknowledged, then denied, and finally accepted. I guess I wasn't, and still am not, really interested in setting out such things for the consumption of others, but it leaves me in a bit of a quandary as to what this blog is ultimately about and what it would mean for me to continue. After all, if it is in part about "the constant journey inward" then those depths deserve to be given space here. I'm not sure it feels right, though; it's certainly safer to stick to posts about raw milk and my latest knitting project. Safer isn't always my cup of tea, but maybe for now it has to be.

Love has taken me by the scruff of the neck so far this year. Descartes will no longer be featured on this blog, and out of respect for him that is all I will say on the matter. Someone else may be discussed at some point, but for now I will focus, if and when I discuss it, on how I feel I have been changed by the experience of deep, profound love; love that gave me no choice but to love, that dunked me in deep water more times than I care to admit, and somehow left me more alive and grateful for it than I ever thought possible.

I recently pulled out my copy of Kahlil Gibran's "The Prophet" and read the section about Love. I remember reading it in the past and shuddering at the thought. But now I glimpse the tip of understanding of what he meant, and I thank my lucky stars for the chance to feel it all.

"On Love" ~ Kahlil Gibran

Then said Almitra, Speak to us of Love.
And he raised his head and looked upon the people, and there fell a stillness upon them. And with a great voice he said:
When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, "I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

Sorry I've been away for a while...things have been a bit upside down, and unfortunately this blog has had to take a backseat to some major reordering. I may blog in the future about all that's going on, but today is not the day. I thought, however, that I would share some photos of my recent crafty jag. I'm finally working on two projects for myself, but it's been a lot of fun making things for loved ones.

Above left is the Sexy Apron I made for dear Julie, one of the juiciest women I know. Sorry the picture is small; I had trouble with the file. But you get the idea - hot pink printed fabric ringed in frilly black organza.

To the right is the Golden Compass hat I made for my niece. This is a pattern based on a hat in the film of the same name, and I just loved the whimsy of it - especially the pointed top that spikes off her crown like an elf's ear.

Bottom left is a chunky tweed Never-Get-Lost scarf for my nephew. It actually buttons on with a big black button (a vintage find from my mother's button box) so he won't lose it. I stole this idea from Julie's friend Justine, who had a button-on scarf when I saw her in November. I just thought it was the cleverest thing.

What's in the works now? A skinny scarf made of the softest chenille you could imagine, in all shades of purple. And a simple, short black poncho to keep my shoulders warm on chilly February nights. When I wear them both I shall look a bit like a bruise, which would actually be quite fitting considering my emotional state these days. But I'll be the most fashionable bruise!

More soon...thanks for dropping by.